


Just Like Old Times

by lepouletfou



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: A lotta angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Sad Nick and sad judy, Sad but with a not so sad ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:51:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7845781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepouletfou/pseuds/lepouletfou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been nearly seven years since Judy and Nick broke up. Almost seven years since they'd last seen each other. Meeting up for drinks, they try to catch up, smooth things over, and hopefully get some closure. However, love and all its other emotions have a funny way of keeping things very much open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first ever Zootopia fanfic, and I've really been inspired by so many of the great stories I've read on here. Like all of you, I fell in love with these two immediately upon watching the movie, and after months of silently lurking in the fandom, this is my first time announcing my existence publicly. So hi! Anyway, I hope you all what I wrote!

Nick hoped that this night would be enough for him. That it would offer some sort of reprieve from the onslaught of emotions he’d been dealing with lately. It had been nearly seven years since he’d last seen Judy Hopps. After their breakup all those years ago, their lives took different courses. They got their respective promotions, and now worked at precincts on opposite sides of the city. Only when he saw her last week for a crossover case did he have the gumption to ask her out for drinks to catch up.

He loved her. He really did love her. But fate was a cruel mistress, and somehow made him a fox, and her a rabbit. They were not destined to be together. And this was a fact too uncomfortable to digest whole, so he settled on ordering another drink to help wash it down. 

“Hah, really? _This_ place?” Judy’s voice was dripping with amusement.

Nick’s ears perked up almost instinctively at the sound of her, causing a slightly clumsy 180 swivel in his chair, “Hey, Carrots. Well. You can’t blame a fox for trying to be sentimental.” 

“Cheese and crackers, Nick,” she huffed, ambling up to the stool beside his, “If we were really going for sentimental here we could’ve just hooked up in the back of Finnick’s van.”

He almost choked on his drink before laughing, “Oh, so we’re going _there_ now. And I thought this meet-up was just going to be all boring small talk. You’re somehow classier than I remember.”

Hedge’s was a dive bar nestled right on the edge of Savannah Central. Owned by an old, blinding hedgehog by the name of Hedgward, it gained a cult following by many of the locals for its low prices and strong liquor. It was a place often frequented by Nick and Judy in their heyday. Various nights they’d seek solace in the many dark corners of the bar to privately make out in, with Nick always silently thanking the vision-impaired owner for the uneven lighting situation.

In perfect coincidence, she quipped back, “Given our history? I was anything _but_ classy with you.”

“Ah, true. What with you hustling me and keeping that carrot pen of yours to blackmail me with,” he smirked.

“Hey, no fair! You hustled me first, remember?”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I was referring to your classiness when you’d literally drag me to the corner over there like some savage bunny to paw me under the ta-”

“Haha whoaaa there-” she punched his arm- “you pretty much begged for those moments of canoodling!”

“Ow! What is it with you and the punching? You severely underestimate yourself sometimes, Carrots.”

“That, or you’ve just been severely _overestimating_ your ability to take a soft hit.”

This was nice. Comfortable, actually. All those years melted away before them, and it was as if nothing had changed. Just like that, they’d skipped the awkward formalities and were able to fall back into their friendly banter before he could even order her a drink. He missed this.

“So, first drink. On me.” He jabbed a thumb to his chest. “Will you be having the usual? Carrot alcohol with carrot juice and frozen carrot cubes in a carrot glass with carrot garnish?”

“Har har,” with an eyeroll, Judy turned to face him more directly, “if you’re referring to a carrot mojito, then yes. That’ll be the usual.”

“Same difference. All right, sweetheart. One carrot mojito-” he stuck his foreclaw in his mouth, followed with a _blechhh_ sound - “coming right up!”

As Nick ordered her drink, a sense of déjà vu washed over him. This bar. This drink. These _lights_. Though so much time had passed, the memories came flooding back in a welcoming embrace. He felt warm. Then again, he always did around Judy. He began to wonder if she ever missed this too.

Sighing, he began to run a forefinger around the rim of his glass. He was...nervous all of a sudden. Though he’d spent years building his walls and studying his actions, he still surprised himself by how easily Judy was able to get to him.

“Hey, what’s up?” she reached out a paw to steady his concentrated circling. Swiftly getting a read on his nervous quirk.

Nick’s arm twitched at the sudden intimacy. He came close to pulling away, but scratched that idea altogether. Nick would’ve done that before, but not now. Somehow, he liked to think he’d grown since then.

Green eyes met bright amethyst.

A beat.

He cleared his throat, “So uh...how are you and your husband...?”

“...Liam? We’re good, actually. Pretty great, yeah.” she smiled, but somehow he felt it was artificial. Or maybe he was just hoping it translated as such.

“Y-yeah? I heard you popped out some kits too?”

“Mhmm. Just three - Jacob, Jason and Lily. They’re definitely a handful, but I love them. I do _not_ know how my parents dealt with two hundred and seventy-five.”

“A handful, huh? No surprise there. If they have Judy Hopps DNA, then those kits are a force to be reckoned with.”

“I’ll try and take that as a compliment.”

“It is one. The more you the better. The more you the best, really.”

Nick’s bout of sincerity was quickly interrupted by the doe bartender, “Carrot mojito, fer the luhvuhlee rabbit!” she drawled, placing Judy’s drink in front of her with a less-than-graceful hoof.

Judy sipped it in approval. Reverting back to Nick’s direction, he noticed she could smile this time without artifice, “Aww thank you, Nick. And here I thought you were just going to make fun of me all night.”

He could’ve taken that out. Easily calculating his next maneuver to redirect the conversation toward something more lighthearted, but he held back any jivey response he had. “What can I say? You were pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me.”

The weight behind those words elicited a sharp intake of breath on her end. Her smile began to falter, and her eyes reflexively darted away, their gaze finding refuge in the orange of her drink. _God damn it, Nick. Slow down and get a grip. Don’t freak her out with your sudden barrage of emotions._

“Nick, that’s-”

“I miss you. So much.”

Though she had broken their gaze, the vulpine’s eyes never diverted from her. He could recall every trace and outline of Judy Hopps like the back of his paw, but appreciating her image in person was something time had robbed him of. He wanted to take her all in before she left again. Her scent, her voice, the feel of her fur, the looks she gave him when he told her his corny jokes. God, he hadn’t realized how much he needed this.

When she glanced over again, her eyes were glassy.

“Nick...what are we doing here? What was the point of-” she made an open gesture to encompass her surroundings- “all of this?”

“No, no, it’s not what you think. I don’t have any ulterior motive here, I just - _fuck._ I really did just want to catch up. I missed you. I was stupid back then, okay? I...” His voice trailed off. _There you go again, Slick Nick. Screwing everything up. You sound like a real sleazy fox._

“What? That was a long time ago, okay? You were a dumb fox, and I was an even dumber emotional bunny, and we weren’t able to figure it out. I know was joking and being flirty before, but I-I didn’t know it would lead here. I-I’m happy now,” her words came out firm, but the quaver of her voice betrayed their intent.

“I know that. But...for me, I don’t know, I just wanted to see you.”

“And what? Try and win me back?”

“No, Judy,” his paws shot out in front of him, grabbing her shoulders, “You’re not a commodity to be won. You’re so much more than that, and-”

“Why do you keep saying all these suave things like it’ll change anything?”

His arms dropped to his sides, “You _know_ me, Carrots. I would never try to be Slick Nick or use lines on you. I _care_ about you. I never stopped caring about you.”

She was crying. Real tears. Her fur was matted, and her bottom lip quivered. The weight of what he was doing to her was something Nick wasn’t strong enough to bear. Not again. He disappointed her once already, and he didn’t want to add more salt to the wound.

“I’m sorry. Please, just don’t hate me, Judy” Nick’s tail wrapped around the barstool. If he could wrap it around himself tight enough to make his very existence in any way smaller, he would have.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” she replied meekly.

Panic-stricken, his ears shot back against his skull, “Judy, I-”

“Don’t worry, Nick. I’m not leaving. I really am just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” She took a deep breath and downed the rest of her drink, scrambling off the stool and making her way toward the bathroom.

Her fragile facade was gone. He hurt her. Again. _Idiot._

Jesus, he really hadn’t become a better mammal after all. Truthfully speaking, he probably hoped for something more than just to catch up and chat. Maybe he hadn’t realized it yet, but subconsciously this was all a sly guise in a hopeful attempt to win her back.

He did that a lot when she was around. He hoped.

She was the determined country bunny who tried everything and achieved everything. Sheer grit and ambition were traits intrinsic to her, and it was this moxie that Nick came to love. He was the cynical con fox who shamelessly gave up and quit, mostly because it was easier that way. Completely _not_ a trier. But Judy practically emanated hope from her very pores and obliterated any thoughts of cynicism in proximity.

So, yeah. Around her, it was easy for him to fall victim to hope again.

It was selfish.

“If it’s any consolation, I could never hate you.”

Once again caught off guard, he whipped his muzzle around to meet her. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Dumb fox,” she smoothly retorted. She was smug. That was a good sign. The fur below her eyes were dry now, brushed back askew, the only sign of their previous altercation a mere tinge of red on her waterline. 

Helping her back up to find her seating, Nick regained his composure. “I really am sorry. For back then. I should have tried harder. I should have fought for us more. I don’t want you to think I gave up on you, or even the thought of you. I never did,” a sigh, “I just gave up on me.”

Judy blinked. “Nick, I tried _so_ hard to make it work. You were great as my best friend, and even more amazing as my boyfriend. But when it came down to the hard stuff - being in a relationship - you closed yourself off. I could only try so much before I gave up too.” 

Nick didn’t quarrel. He knew as well as anyone that even the best animal had their limits.

“But,” she continued, “you were right. Back then, I mean.”

“Seriously?” He tried to stifle his look of incredulity. “About what, exactly?”

“Everything. Maybe I WAS too optimistic sometimes. I mean, Zootopia isn’t a perfect place. A fox and a bunny? In the long run, we couldn’t make that work, yeah? The city would tear us apart. The press would go berserk over the ZPD’s most decorated officers. Our parents. Having kits,” she listed, “Etcetera, etcetera. I needed your dose of realism.”

“I was a cynic, Carrots. Not a realist.”

“You were being _realistic_ , Nick. Your thought process had logic to it. And look at us now. Look at what we’ve been able to become. You’re Detective Wilde now!”

“Heh, yeah. Speak for yourself, Lieutenant Hopps,” he said, downing another portion of his drink.

“What I’m saying is...we did good for ourselves with the time apart. You’re over at Precinct Twenty now, and I’m back at Precinct One. I have a husband, and three lovely kits. And I heard all the vixens are throwing themselves at you. We achieved a lot.”

“Got a point there, Fluff,” he mused. “We would’ve just held each other back from our goals if we stayed together. Became runaway thieves, even. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor in order to survive.”

Judy winced. “Are you casting aspersions on my positivity here?”

“I would never!” he barked, right paw raised, “But I’m just saying that - you know what, never mind.”

She quirked an eyebrow.

He had to finish this on a good note. He didn’t want to pry any more than what was welcome. So, he began to cauterize the wound he hadn’t meant to rip open.

“Don’t read into it,” Nick added, “You’re right. We’re at good places in our lives, and I couldn’t ask for more.” He raised a glass, “To friendship?”

“Above all else,” she said, raising her empty glass to meet his.

Nick wanted to tell her he’d been wrong before. To lay out all of his feelings like facts in a case file, and go over them point by point. He would fight hard this time around. Teeth and claw. There was a rabbit-sized hole in his life whose existence he only recently acknowledged, and he desperately wanted to fill that void with any-and-all things Judy.

But she was happy now. Moved on, and content.

_Greedy, Nick. Meeting up with her was more than you could ever ask for. Don’t push it._

So, they spent the next two hours catching up, and nothing more. She shared pictures of her kits. He showed her his recent selfies with his mom. Small talk. Cop jokes. Precinct drama. They carefully orchestrated their dialogue in a manner that kept them from skirting off the edge.

“Hey, bar’s closing in ten minutes. Any last drinks you two’d lahk to order?”

Nick looked at the bartender, then back to Judy. “You know what, I think I’m good. Anything for you, Jude?”

Ruminating for just a moment, she shook her head in reply. “Nah. I should probably get going. Walk me out?”

“Sure thing, Carrots.”

Leaving Hedge’s, the cool night air enveloped them like a comfy sweater. Judy exhaled in respite, illuminated only by a dingy lamplight nestled above her. Nick could feel himself getting warm again.

“This was really nice, Nick. I’m glad we could see each other after everything.”

“Yeah, we should really do this again sometime.” He lingered on the last phrase, hoping it didn’t sound too contrived.

“Mm,” she rolled forward on the balls of her feet in agreement. “Well, I should get going now. Gotta catch the subway before all the creepy jerks come out, y’know.”

“What?” he asked, puzzled, “you still take the subway? Don’t you have a roomy bunny sedan to lug you and the kits around?”

“Wellll, I’m afraid Liam’s got custody of that tonight.”

“Yeah, but at 2 am? Don’t tell me he’s got some mistress he needs to sneak around in the sedan with.”

Judy flinched. Her expression dropped for just a moment before abruptly snapping back to its original position. “Hah, n-no. Nothing like that. Sometimes he drives the sedan around to help get the smallest one to fall asleep is all.”

 _Odd._ To any mammal without night vision her facial blunder would’ve been barely visible under the shadow of the lamplight, but to Nick? That flicker of emotion was as clear as the cut of her voice. But he decided not to press the issue.

“All right, but no need for the subway ride, Judes. I’m driving you home.”

“No way! I can’t put you out like that. It’s fine.”

“What about the creeps, huh? I insist. Please.”

“But didn’t you come from the Rainforest District? Do not want to make you do that. What with your sports car getting horrible mileage on top of that, and-”

“Carrots! Stop arguing with me. Plus, I traded that in years ago. Got a Coyote Prius now. Doesn’t roar like Lionheart, but it sure is fuel efficient." 

Judy bit her lip in hesitation, and Nick could see the wheels in her head begin to turn. “I...I...”

“Just let me do this, please. I have no hidden agenda other than to get you home. And then I’ll be out of your fur.”

“Fiiine,” she sighed in defeat, “I’ll hitch a ride with you.”

“Hmm, that does not sound like the kind of enthusiasm I hoped to hear. Didn’t I just save you from a bunch of creepos that wanted to prey on some, well, prey?”

She gave him a playful nudge. “Hey, who’s the creepy predo here when you were the one begging me to get in your car?”

“Ouch. Real blow to my gallantry, Lieutenant Fluff,” he responded, paw covering his heart in mock hurt.

“Joking! Thank you, Nick. You really didn’t have to.”

“And what kind of gentlemammal would I be if I didn’t?” he said, steering them to his parked car. “In you go,” he finessed the door open in one brisk movement and motioned for her to get in.

“Wow,” Judy lamented in awe, paw running over the dashboard, “it’s so clean!” She took a quick peek at the floor. “And no Bug Burga bags everywhere? Nicholas Wilde, what you have you _become_?”

“Hey hey, you don’t have paw pads! No touching the dash!”

“Hmm. I’m surprised. Your sports car was red. I thought red was your favorite color. This one’s blue.”

“What’s with the interrogating? Aren’t you supposed to be off duty?” he countered, a little vexed by her line of questioning.

“Sorry, it’s just - you really have changed a lot.”

“Just because my car is clean and it’s not red? I think you’re overanalyzing a little. Save the investigating for a more interesting case.”

“Alll riiiiight,” she muttered, “you’re no fun.”

He shot her a shit-eating grin. “Always the ruiner, I am,” he said, putting the car in drive, “So where is the humble abode, hmm?”

“You’re gonna take a left up here." 

“Carrots, no need to give step-by-step instructions. Remember? Not only do I know everybody, but I also know every street in Zootopia. Just tell me your address and my amazing brainpower will get us there.”

“Okay, but please don’t read into it.”

“Why would I read into it?”

A tiny groan from her end, “Just don’t okay? Take me to the Grand Pangolin Arms.”

 _Okay, I’m definitely reading into it_. “Wh-what? You’re telling me that you, your husband, and your three little guys can fit into that tiny tuna can of an apartment? Why would you move back there?”

“They don’t live there. And...I didn’t move back there. Well, I did, kinda. I _do_ , I mean. I just have a temporary lease on it.”

“Why?”

“I said don’t read into it, okay?”

“Judy, did something happen between you and Liam?”

“NO! I mean, kind of? I don’t know! Not really. It’s nothing! I’m just spending some time down at my old apartment because it’s close to the station. Please, just drive.”

For the second time that night, she was crying. Nick pretended he didn’t notice, so instead he obeyed Judy’s wishes and continued the drive home.

The next ten minutes were spent in insurmountable silence; Nick keeping his eyes locked far ahead, and Judy fiddling with her seatbelt, occupying herself with the sleekness of its fabric. She was deliberating something, but he couldn’t get a clear read on what it was.

He finally pulled up to her street, parking right at her old stoop. Instantly, he was bathed in nostalgia. He didn’t want to leave. Not again. Not if it meant saying goodbye to her without the promise of tomorrow. Especially in this state.

She rotated to face him. And, as if reading his mind, asked, “Do you want to come up?”

It was barely audible, and while phrased like a question, there was a sense of pleading in there that Nick could not ignore. An opening. Hope.

“Yes.” 


	2. Joke's On Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! First of all, I'd like to give a SERIOUS thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment and offer advice and words of encouragement on the first chapter. I did not expect so many people to like it so much, and it made me even that more excited to write this chapter. Thanks everyone for waiting patiently, by the way! I'll try to get the third installment in by the end/beginning of next week. Hope you all enjoy!

Like the good lieutenant she was, Judy had trained herself for this meet-up much in the same fashion she prepped herself for an interrogation. “Whatever you do, remain cool, calm, and collected,” a mantra she’d repeated profusely throughout the course of the evening. Step one: Enter. Step two: Act out your carefully selected persona. Step three: Get your answers and get out. She hadn’t been sure what answers she wanted from Nick yet, but she decided that step three was something she could play by ear (being a bunny after all, the ears were her win at the biological lottery).

Judy was determined to show Nick that despite life’s curveballs, she knocked each one out of the park. She was untouchable. Invincible. Nope, nothing was in shambles, everything was just plain dandy and, _Oh look at me, Nick! All these years, and I’m still the_ same _Judith Laverne Hopps you remember!_ The trier in her wanted everything to be perfect. She’d be like those Leapford Wives in the de-furgent commercials with their ears perfectly perked, and fur meticulously combed.

But as the night had progressed, she found she’d lost her emotional footing one too many times. She tried her hardest to maintain a straight face, but Nick just _did_ things to her. The mask she’d so painstakingly constructed was picked apart bit by bit. _Actually, Nick, I think I need to go now because if I don’t, you’ll see right through me and I’m going to want to burrow myself in your fur and sob and never ever want to leave._ It was a last ditch effort at warning herself.

But, to no avail, emotions never liked to reason with logic and she was left crying in front of him anyway. Her Oscar-losing charade had been all for naught, and so, when Nick pulled up to her stoop, she threw caution to the wind and mustered whatever strength she had left in her to ask-

“Do you want to come up?”

* * *

 

Eight years earlier, Judy had draped herself over the width of her bed, looking over at her open valise with complete and utter disinterest. “Pleeeease Nick, just a few more minutes before I move out? Come snuggle with me.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Carrots, I really want to _ravage_ you right now, but I can’t-” he jerked a thumb to the wall adjacent to her bed- “with the Greek chorus over here listening in on us.”

“Hey! We heard that!”

“Yeah, fox! We’re not pervs...we’d let you have your privacy at least!” Bucky and Pronk bellowed, the sheer force of their shouts shaking the picture frames above her.

She thumped her foot against the wall. “Shut UP, you two! _Peas and carrots_. I’m trying to talk to my boyfriend in peace!”

“Yeah, and that _peace_ will be over at my place, which, by the way, once you move in, will find that we have no noisy neighbors, and have freedom and solitude.” Nick paused, expecting a haughty reply from the oryx and kudu, but the response never came. He sighed in elation and persisted, “So hurry and pack up your things in this tiny apartment.”

“Okay, but it’ll take only five minutes to fill my small suitcase. I’m tiiiiired!”

“Yeah, and all the more reason to just do it now and get it over with.”

“I’ve lived here for two years, Nick. Aren’t I allowed to be a little sentimental before I say goodbye?”

“Sure, but...” voice trailing, not sure where to continue, “I was kinda just hoping we could make some new memories? I know that sounded cheesy, but I can’t wait for you to move in with me any longer.”

Judy smiled, hopping off the bed and sauntering toward him. _God, he was so cute_. “Aww Nick, you _know_ I’m just as excited to move in with you as much as you are. I was just reminiscing about the first time we...well, the first time we y’know...in _my_ bed? A few weeks after you graduated and we cracked that tire slashing case as partners?”

“Why yes, Fluff, I know what you’re talking about. And why the coyness?” he sported his half-lidded gaze, “In fact, I think the whole hallway knows what you’re talking about. They were key witnesses in the moaning mammal case that night.”

“Oh, geez that was awful,” Judy guffawed. “How long have you been waiting to say that?”

“For the past year since we first did ‘y’know’ in your bed,” he intoned, mimicking the exact inflections of Judy’s voice.

She wrapped her arms around his chest and craned her neck in a futile attempt to get closer to his muzzle. Their height difference was quite detrimental at times when she really _really_ wanted to kiss him. “As corny as your jokes are, I’m looking forward to hearing more of them.”

Sensing her need for affection, he crouched down to be eye-level with her. “Welp, Carrots...there’s plenty more where that came from.”

He pulled her close, and their lips finally met, her whole body warming upon contact. Was it even possible to shiver from feeling so warm? She’d never get tired of this, and almost winced into the kiss thinking about hypotheticals and a world in which she’d never get to kiss Nick Wilde again. She abruptly quelled those thoughts, and brushed them away as inconceivable. If she’d been lazy about packing before, she was more than motivated now.

She drew back, licking her lips to compensate for the loss of intimacy. “Okay. You’re right. I need to pack right now and get moving. I’m readier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“You are?”

“Yup. Let’s get this show on the road, right? Because now I suddenly don’t want to think of an apartment and a world without you in it,” she said, trusting that it sounded affectionate and not bordering on the macabre.

“G-Geez, Carrots, what are we waiting for then?” he sputtered, clearly taken aback.

“Hey, a reply of ‘Oh boy, Judy, I’d like to spend the rest of my days with you too’ would’ve been sufficient, you know.”

“Oh the things you do to me. You know I was once a successful conman and used to be pretty slick with my words? But then you came by and just-”

“Tamed you?” she laughed.

“I was gonna say made me fall in love with that cute fluff butt of yours, but, sure,” he shrugged, softening and picking up a picture frame. It was a photo of him and Judy at his graduation. Grinning, faces split, teeth bared in smiles, and pure exemplification of everything gross and positive that Nick used to detest. But, not now, since he’d been tamed and all.

“I love you too, Nick,” she chirped with a roll of her eye.

“You know, we still have a lot to figure out after we move in.”

“I know. We have to tell Chief Bogo and Animal Resources, and then...I guess...”

“Your parents.”

Her ears drooped a little. “Yeah, my parents. And your mom, too.”

“I’m sure my mom would support anyone who could give me a grandkit.”

“But I can’t give you any grandkits. At least not biologically.”

He took her paws in his own and gently began running his thumbs over her knuckles. “It’ll be okay. We can adopt. She’d take anything at this point, really. Like I said, my mom is pretty desperate for grandkits.”

“Wow. I’m so comforted. Nick, I’m serious. I want her to like me _._ ”

“Judy, she’ll love you. Who ever doesn’t? I think I should be more worried about _your_ parents. Weren’t they the ones who gave you the fox taser?” he asked, nose wiggling in apprehension.

“They do business with a fox now. They’ve really changed, I’m sure of it. And if not, I’m determined to make them.” She chanced a look at him and prayed that her determination was enough to suppress that look on his muzzle. Wanting to re-establish their previous moment, she leapt up and kissed him in reassurance and added, “But we’ll figure that out when we move in, okay?”

He softened the hard lines of his uneasy expression. “All right. We will...and Judy?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you, by the way. In case that wasn’t clear earlier.”

“I know, Nick. Always do.”

They spent the next half hour gathering the last remnants of Judy’s belongings and packing them in her suitcase. She snickered as she watched Nick huffily try and force the top closed, the slim valise threatening to burst back in retaliation. “A little bit of help here would be great, officer. Unless you’re trying to take in how great my tail looks from that angl- oh my _god_ what’s in here again? You had next to nothing in your apartment how is this possible?”

“Here,” she quipped, hands grasping at the opposite end he’d been pushing on. “All it needs is an _actual_ capable mammal.”

“Wow, I’m wounded. You’re gonna pay for that one.”

Judy yelped as Nick pulled the top of the suitcase back, causing her to spring forward and knock its contents onto the hardwood. She slammed straight into him, but found the impact was a lot easier to handle when it was absorbed by soft tufts of fox fur. “Ugh, Nick, we’re never going to finish packing, are we?” she nestled herself into his chest instinctively.

“‘Fraid not, Carrots. Mmm, and that burrowing thing you’re doing on me right now makes me not want to move.”

“Oh so you want to cuddle _now_ , but not when I was asking you before?”

“Yes, but only because actions speak louder than words. Gotta work on your persuasion skills, Fluff.”

“Fine,” she hummed against him. Warm sunlight basked through the window and washed over Nick in vibrant colors. The cream of his chest glowed golden, and the russet of his fur so bright that she could’ve sworn it reflected off the dark flooring. She studied the slow rise and fall of his chest, each one of his breaths coercing her to fall even deeper in love with him, chasing away any uncertainties, her inner monologue screaming _Judy Judy Judy! This is it! This is it!_

Yup. She was ready.

* * *

 

The memory left her as soon as it came. She was back. Her apartment more barren than the day she’d left it, and an even more laughable reflection of how she’d been feeling as of late. Bucky and Pronk had moved out long ago, dashing away any hope for the familiar. It was sterile and empty. Judy schlepped to the corner and sat precariously on the edge of her bed, her mind moving a mile a minute, wondering which one of her thoughts was going to knock her off her perch.

Nick stood in the doorway, the weak hall light creating a halo effect against his silhouette. He paused for a moment, leaning against the frame, and eyeing the threshold with a hesitant gaze.

“Nick, _please_ come in,” Judy croaked, “And shut the door behind you.”

He complied. His eyes, glowing amber, scanned the dark room like it was the first time he’d seen it. “Well. I, uhh, I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“Don’t do that. I appreciate it, but...don’t.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Letting me take the easy way out. Nick, I-I can’t do that right now. I need to talk to you.” Three months after the press conference was one thing, but three months was a drop in the ocean compared to seven years without Nick. She didn’t want him to console her with a joke and act like nothing happened. She needed him to listen.

“Judy, I’m here. Don’t worry. Just talk to me.” In an instant he was next to her, sitting on her bed. The sudden weight shift pushed Judy upward from the hollow of her mattress, balance regained, and immediately she ditched the fear of precariousness. It was small, but it was just enough encouragement.

“Liam is seeing someone else.”

Nick’s eyes bulged and his tail bristled. “What!? God, what a _jackass_ , no offense to donkeys, I mean, but oh my God, Judy. I’m gonna rip his little cottontail-”

“It’s fine, Nick. Please, don’t do anything. It was my fault, anyway.”

“You can’t be serious, Judes. Cheating? That’s on him. None of this is your fault, and - ahh, the whole joke with the mistress and the sedan, I’m so sorry.”

She inhaled, gaining a little more fortitude. “Nick, you didn’t know. That is not your fault.”

“But him cheating is yours?” he scoffed, furrowing his brows.

“I’m not saying what he did was _okay_. But, for two years, I was working so hard to become Lieutenant and I think...” she paused, “I think I just began to neglect him. He even became a stay-at-home dad so that I could focus on furthering my career and fulfilling my dreams. I forgot about him, Nick. He probably didn’t feel important anymore.”

“Judy, stop. You can’t blame yourself. There is not one thing in this world you don’t give one hundred-and-ten percent to. You fought for everything and gave everything your all, so I don’t doubt it for a second that you didn’t try your best to make it work. I _know_ you. You’re a trier. ”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “Nick, no. Maybe I was before, but I don’t even know now. This whole night has been me trying to prove to you that everything was okay, but it’s not. I’m not the same bunny I was all those years ago.”

“You might think that, but I don’t.”

“Really? Care to explain?” Her voice dropped in pitch, “Because I’d really like to know...” Judy pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe, when she opened them, the old Judy would be there. Hiding under her bed like some morbid, drawn-out joke and jumping out to shout, _Never mind! Look! I’m right here and everything’s okay!_ Of course when she did open them, she realized that nothing was a joke, and she was in the exact position as before.

Nick blinked into the darkness, ruminating over what he’d say next. “You still have this need to let everyone know that you’re all right even if you may not be. I mean, you did it with your parents when they MuzzleTimed you that first day on the force, you did it with Bogo whenever he’d ask if a case was too much for you, and...with me. Tonight. You do that all the time so people don’t have to worry about you.”

“I guess, but that’s just part ego and part me thinking I can do things all on my own.”

“True, but isn’t that part of what makes you so annoyingly you? You never blame the world for your problems. You take responsibility, even if it’s not yours to take, and fix your issues on your own.”

“Nick, that’s...”

“And it’s not even that. It’s the gung-ho, do-it-yourself attitude that you’re taking into everything you do. Your blind idealism is gone, but the fact that you still take on the world with determination and do what’s _right?_ That’s pretty noble, and not a lot of mammals can do that.”

Her mouth sat slightly agape, teetering off to the side like she had been caught mid-sentence. She didn’t need old Judy. Maybe she just needed Nick. The thought shook her to her very core.

He sank down closer to her. “So, this apartment...did you tell him? How long? And are you guys...?”

“A month,” she coughed to clear her throat, “I got here last month. I confronted him when I saw all these... _texts_ coming through on his iPaw. So, I left. I needed time to think. I take the kits during the weekend, but I’ve barely talked to him since.”

“So, you _are_ mad at him then?”

“No, I didn’t say that. This whole thing is a lot to take in, and I needed space. But I think I’m just...”

“Numb?”

“Y-yeah,” she replied, taking a moment to let that fact sink in. Somehow, she hadn’t been crying. This whole time, Judy was sitting stonefaced, talking about the dissolution of her marriage like it was casual conversation.

Nick wrapped his arm around her small frame, pulling her in close. “It’ll be okay, Judes. You know I’m right here for you.”

She let herself get lost in his tender grip, and the way his musk completely blanketed her in a way that felt like home. It was familiar and inviting. After feeling so out of place for so long, she realized that the only safe haven was in the warmth of Nick’s fur, and she desperately wanted to bury herself deep within it. But something still ate at her. Momentarily releasing her muzzle from the confines of his chest, she looked up at him. “You know what really got to me, Nick?”

He bowed his head to meet her, “What is it, Carrots?”

“When you asked me not to hate you.”

“God, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just couldn’t-”

“No, stop. Just...let me explain. Remember when I apologized to you that time under the bridge? All those months after the missing mammals press conference where I royally screwed everything up?”

His ears twitched. “Yeah...”

“In those three months I missed you _so_ much. And I needed to see you. I needed you to help me fix the city because I couldn’t do it without you. But in those months, I toiled for so long with accepting the fact that you hated me. B-because you probably did, and I was a total jerk and a horrible friend to you...a-and...” Tears were threatening to pass, but she bit them back, “...and when I apologized to you, the only thing that really made me cry was the idea of letting you hate me. That I might really lose you.”

“Judy, I never did...”

“And then tonight, when I saw that look in your eyes. When you thought that _I_ hated you. I-I know how that feels too much, Nick. And it’s _awful_. But I only had to deal with that for three months. To think of you just feeling guilty, and hating yourself, and you thinking that I hated you for _seven whole years,_ cheese and crackers, Nick. I had to go to the bathroom and keep myself from completely falling apart in front of you.”

“...Please. You’re beating yourself up over this, and my guilt is not your responsibility.” His voice was muffled, and his words were wet. For the first time that night, she realized he was crying too.

“Our breakup had just as much to do with me as it did with you. And I can’t let you keep tearing yourself apart. I can’t even imagine f-feeling that way for so long. How could you actually live it?” Her throat swelled with sadness.

Nick squeezed her tighter. He tried to speak, but a sentence failed to form.

“Please, please, _please_ know that I never and could never hate you,” Judy continued, “I really could never. I don’t want you to ever feel guilty, and I don’t want you to ever hurt or feel bad or feel sad over me.” The tears broke free from their threshold and glided out and down her cheeks in fluid motions. “I don’t hate you. Please don’t think I hated you, because I couldn’t. I don’t, I don’t, I _d-don’t_.” Judy’s voice was cracking, but she believed if she repeated it enough, those words could somehow take back years of anguish on Nick’s end. That if words could heal wounds, hers would cure him completely. But all she could do now was burrow her muzzle into his shirt and pray that it would suffice.

She toyed with the hem of her shirt, conjuring up images of them lying on the same bed all those years ago, laughing paw in paw, thinking the world was silly and their love could transcend boundaries. “You’ll be okay though, right?”

“No need to get your ears in a knot, Carrots. I’ll be all right,” he replied, words falling flat and hitting a note of solemnity.

The dip in his timbre wasn’t lost on her. “Don’t think that you’re anything short of amazing, Nick, because you are. No matter what happened, I always and still always think you’re the greatest mammal I’ve ever met.” She was still breathy from weeping, but it finally offered Nick some respite.

“I love and care about you,” he whispered. “You know that, right?”

Her response was immediate, albeit a little hiccuped. “I know. And I love you too, by the way.” She lifted herself from him and noticed his shirt was dampened by the hard evidence of her emotions. “Oh. Sorry about your shirt, Nick.”

“Don’t worry about it. Got plenty more Pawaiian shirts from where this came from,” he replied softly. Her tears were still fresh, and he ran the back of his paw over her matted cheeks, leaving a trail of disheveled fur in its wake. He dropped his hand, seemingly unsure if the gesture was too intimate.

She blinked at the sudden loss of contact, but quickly responded, “Amazing as I think you are, I can’t believe you still - I mean, those _shirts_. Oh, how I always hated them.”

“Liar. Admit it, you learned to love ‘em. I have great fashion sense.”

“I guess you have a point there. They certainly did grow on me...but only because they were attached to you.” For once the weight of the atmosphere felt a little less oppressive. She sighed and fell back on her tiny bed, fingers splayed across her chest. “How did we both become such messes?”

Thankfully, he followed suit and laid beside her. “Because someone up there-” he pointed skyward- “has it out for us. I swear that Mr. Big’s grandmama made a deal with Maid Marian all because I sold them that skunk butt rug.”

“Hah, too bad I can’t save your tail there. My bunny charm only works with arctic shrews that are still alive.”

“Meh, true. But I’d say I still did pretty good for myself so far.”

Her expression faltered, suddenly coming to the realization that she hadn’t even asked Nick about the details of his current life. Did she want to know? _Dumb bunny._ She dumped the emotional equivalent of a torrential downpour on him while he just selflessly endured it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask you how your love life was or if you were seeing anyone. Or even if you had work tomorrow morning, _geez_. I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“Don’t even apologize, Carrots,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. And I wouldn’t be here, telling you that I loved you, if I was already seeing someone else. ”

A jolt of electricity shot straight up her spine and made her ears stand tall. She didn’t know what she wanted from him before, but now she needed all the affirmation in the world. “Nick, does this mean that- are...are you still _in_ love with me?”

“Judy, I think it’s pretty obvious that I never fell out of love with you,” he responded without so much as a beat.

Her heart swelled at the validation, and she nearly kicked herself in the tail for feeling so elated. It was hypocritical given the circumstances, but she didn’t even begin to think about the consequences when she stumbled out with, “I don’t think I ever stopped, either.”

“Really? Y-you mean that?” He lurched forward, the power of her words nearly yanking and holding him in a vice grip.

“Nick, I know how this looks. But maybe this is a sign or something? When we saw each other last week, I mean. I know you don’t believe in that sort of stuff, but, maybe we can figure it out? Like, _really_ figure it out this time?”

“Judy, I...I can’t believe-I’ve been waiting to hear this all-can you?” he lifted a finger and prodded her muzzle for inspection.

“What are you doing?” she said, twitching.

“Making sure you’re real. That the universe isn’t playing some sick prank on me.”

Judy snorted. “Hah. The universe has a funny way of doing that, but I’m real, and I mean what I’m saying.” She hoped she wasn’t speaking too soon.

“Wait, so, what does this mean for you and Liam? And your kits?” his ears turned backward thinking about the gravity of the situation.

“I’ll...I’ll talk to him and sort it out, I promise. Before I do anything with you, I’ll talk to him.”

He nodded his head, the faintest tremor in a sea of moonlight.

In the tiny confines of her apartment, any confusion about the way she felt about Nick slowly evaporated. Judy felt a thousand times lighter, but still worried if she tried to smile it would collapse under the weight of another lonely night. “Hey, Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I said I wouldn’t do anything, but do you mind...just...lying here with me? Just for a little bit?” She turned to him and hoped she didn’t look as needy as she sounded.

Nick hummed and touched her paw innocently. “Of course. Anything.”

They laid in silence for a little while, both content in just being next to each other. They were careful within the margins of Judy’s bed, leaving a chaste sliver of mattress space between them. When Judy shifted, Nick shifted too. When her muzzle would lazily droop closer to his, he’d shy away to let her breathe. Sometimes his shoulder would fall forward, and she made sure to rotate to give him room.

Yet somehow, on the precipice of sleep, Judy’s paw wandered and ever so gently grazed his lower stomach. It was barely imperceptible, but that small shift was enough to send a surge of longing throughout her entire body. His arm looped over and wrapped around her. In complete silence, she broke their unspoken boundaries and nuzzled into the curve of his chest.

There was still so much to be said. So much to figure out. But right now, with Nick holding her close, she felt more understood than she ever had in years.

* * *

Sunlight crept through the apartment and bounced off the walls, the early signs of morning tenderly nudging them awake. Judy’s eyes fluttered open to the sound of rustling, watching Nick spin his legs off the mattress, mouth open in a wide yawn and arms outstretched as if shaking off the remainder of a dream.

“You going to work?” she rasped, still entangled with sleep.

“Yes, but I have to go home and pick up my uniform first,” he twirled around stroked her ear with his paw. “But don’t get up. Go back to sleep. When will I see you...?”

“Tonight,” she confirmed. “I have the day off today, but I’m going to go back and sort things out. I’ll call you later, all right?”

He breathed in relief. “Looking forward to it, Carrots. I love you. Always have.”

“I love you too, Nick.”

“And I’ll fight hard this time, around. It’ll be different. We can start over, and everything will be great, and maybe we can even help each other solve cases at the dinner table again, and it’ll be amazing because we work so well together, and you can laugh at my dumb jokes, I can even get your kits to like me...and...” He had to stop himself before keeling over. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

She reached out a paw and ran a path down his arm, smirking. “A little. Any more and you’re going to turn into me. But it’s nothing I don’t enjoy hearing.”

“Great. So, tonight?”

“Tonight.”

And with that, she watched him walk out with the comfort of knowing he’d come back. Basking in the afterglow of it all, she was vexed by a dinging sound reverberating around the room. Ding. There it was again. _Ugh, why is it_ -

Another ding.

Her phone.

_Oh._

She flipped over and grabbed it, sliding the lock screen and felt her heart sink at all the notifications. Seven missed calls from Liam. Two missed call from her parents. A flood of texts she didn’t even bother venturing into lest she wanted an ear-splitting headache. Two unheard voicemails from Liam. Reality slithered up her arm and bound her to the bed she was lying on.

Wanting to take reality in sparing doses, she settled on just listening to one voicemail. Judy assumed it would be Liam spewing his apologies, mechanically saying “ _sorry sorry sorry”_ over and over so that any real meaning was lost. It wouldn’t be so hard to listen to.

But she didn’t expect the voice on the other end to be Jacob, her six year old kit. He was sobbing.

_“Mommy, when are you coming back? I miss you. Lily and Jay Jay are always crying and asking where you are. Why are you mad at Daddy, Mommy? I-I miss you. I’m scared. Are you going to be away forever? Please come back. Daddy says he made you mad. B-But if he says sorry, then everything will be better, right? Like when I broke his favorite watch and-and I said sorry and then everything was better? I-”_

Beep.

The line cut out.

She clicked back to her home screen and found herself staring blankly at the wallpaper of her three kits, staring back at her. The universe laughed.

* * *

Nick’s heart was thumping violently against his chest as he weaved through traffic in Savannah Central, mind reeling from all the events that took place.

Judy didn’t hate him. _Great._

Judy still loved him. _Amazing._

Judy was willing to give them a second chance and make it work. _Call in for backup, there’s an officer down._

He hoped he wasn’t getting too far ahead of himself, but if this was what it felt like to allow your heart to get wrought with hope, then he wouldn’t mind the torture. _Take it easy, slick. She’s still got a family to figure out, and you can’t just prance in like everything’s all peas and carrots._

True, maybe it was selfish to think that everything else would fall into place just for them. There were layers upon layers of unchecked territory that Nick and Judy haven’t even bothered to delve into yet. They at least rifled through the complexity of their feelings for each other, but still needed to orient their surroundings to prevent any collateral damage. He wished there was a book for this. _How To Make An Interspecies Relationship With Your Ex-Girlfriend Work When She Has Three Kits and a Cheating Ex-Husband._ He’d add it to his Amoozon cart without a question.

Traffic came to a standstill on the border of the Rainforest District, and Nick knew he wasn’t going to get to the precinct anytime soon. Car horns were blaring in resentment and fizzling out against the rain. _This is all worth it, though,_ he settled, resting his snout on the steering wheel. There was not one thing clouding his judgment. He was sure about Judy, and he wouldn’t be held back this time by his limitations. He would shed his insecurities and relish in the freedom.

He hoped nothing was holding her back either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! It was a little bit longer than the first, and the third and last installment will definitely be the longest out of all of them (it will also have more equal parts of Judy's POV and Nick's POV). ALSO, I have a tumblr now! If you guys want to message me or ask me questions on there, feel free to go right ahead! My username is @lepouletfou (same as it is on here).


	3. Yet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy and Nick finally realize what they mean to each other, even if it means never saying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience you guys! This chapter was a mammoth, and I'm glad I'm able to finally put it out there and officially finish my first fanfic!! (yay) ALSO be warned, this final installment contains a sex scene, so....I tried to keep it heartfelt and intimate without cheapening the emotion of it all, BUT it's my first time writing an actual animal sex scene (it's SO difficult omg???) 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! You can reach me on my tumblr @ lepouletfou
> 
> EDIT/WARNING: This chapter is quite sad. Sorry for not adding the warning earlier, but this ending is very sad, so don't read on if you're not in the mood for that. BUT YES. THERE WILL BE AN EPILOGUE CHAPTER. Don't fret. I've read and reread my work, and yes, I believe I need a short epilogue to wrap things up. Expect it later this week!! WildeHopps ain't over.

Nick’s stare had been boring divots into his plate of Ham’s Burger Helper, avoiding Judy, as if his focused attention would somehow extinguish the very angered bunny sitting across from him. Leave it to him for ruining their two-year anniversary.

“You... _what!?_ ” Judy had spat, nose twitching. The cute quirk failed to take the edge off her words.

“I requested a reassignment as partners,” he said, green eyes still studying his meal, “because we can’t work like this anymore.”

“I really don’t understand, _Nicholas_. I thought we were working together just fine.”

“Well, sweetheart, we’re not. What we’ve got here isn’t working. This...relationship is throwing off our whole dynamic as police partners. You’re not going to get what you want. And I can’t keep holding you back.”

“I can’t believe you would say that. After all we’ve fought for? After all we’ve been through!? And you’re saying that-”

“I’m not saying we should break up!” he interjected, paws out and frantically fanning the flames, “I’m just saying that everything we’ve been through lately is holding us back as partners. That...that _you_ can’t be the Judy Hopps you need to be at the ZPD if our problems are bogging you down. Maybe we just need some space from being police partners, is _all I’m saying, Judy._ ” 

Her ears were completely erect, flipping this way and that, trying to catch a signal she was probably hoping she misinterpreted. But his point was clear. “Nick, I’m not getting bogged down by these... ‘problems,’” her expression crinkled as she air-quoted the word, “I’m just confused as to why you think that I’d be better off without you...”

 _Oh, because you just would be,_ he thought, the truth winding around his scruff and suffocating him like a thick fog on murky water. They had been living together for almost a year, and Nick, to his dismay, discovered he could not carry the brunt of negativity all that well. Or perhaps he never had the strength to carry it at all, and was merely clutching to the coattails of Judy’s for the past eleven months and thirteen days.

Love is blind. _Hah_. Nick felt the ache of that phrase and the false hope it supplied, piercing through his mind like a foghorn. He wanted to ride those sound waves back in time to punch Shakesbear in the snout for his ignorance. For Nick and Judy, love was blind only when tucked away safely in the confines of their apartments. In dark corners of the bars where no one could see them. Concealed in their bedroom, in moments of privacy, bodies swirling in ecstasy and floating away, unfettered in the clear sky above the murkiness. Yet outside, their precious bubble popped and they remained tethered to the weight of intolerance. A fox and a bunny. Predator and prey. The accusers had eyes, and were more than glad to remind them that they were not indifferent to these facts at all.

He hadn’t expected their parents to be part of that crowd. From them, he expected different. But prejudice was so insidious that it infiltrated the minds of even the most seemingly accepting mammals.

_“Gosh, you can’t even have kits? What’s the point?”_

_“This is unacceptable. We raised you better.”_  

_“He’s a fox. They’re solitary animals. It’s in their biology. How can you trust him to stick around?”_

_“She’s a bunny. She only cares about two things: mating, and having kits. What do you expect to happen if you can’t give her the latter?”_  

_“Aren’t predators...”_

_“Prey animals are...”_

Predator. Predator. Predator.

Nick gripped the ends of his ears and pulled them down past his cheeks. The words flooded his memory and weathered his muzzle. Acutely aware of how timid he must’ve looked, he returned his paws to his lap and flashed back to his hustle-face, resting it comfortably in complete unconcern. “Look, it’s not like the Chief’ll even green light my request. So, until then, we can just forget about it. Your carrots are getting soggy, by the way.”

Judy donned a quizzical brow, clearly not buying the charade. “No, Nick. Not letting this slide. I can handle what we’ve been dealing with. Can you? What are you not telling me?”

“I’m _not_ not telling you anything, Carrots,” his eye twitched, “I just don’t want our problems to get in the way of our work, _you,_ and the promotion I know you’re working so hard for.”

“I already told you. It’s _not_ getting to me. And if you’re underestimating my abilities at this thing, then you really don’t know me.”

But it was getting to her. He knew. She was doing that thing again where she overexerted herself in order to prove that she was okay. It was them against the vitriol of Zootopia, but while Judy came equipped with self-righteous determination, Nick cowered with his cynicism. Nick, the cynic. Nick, the ruiner. Judy’s optimism was waning. Outsiders would only agree with them if he were a rabbit, or if she, a fox. Every time he touched her, he took pieces of her. Sabotage was in his paws, and the longer he stayed with her; the less she could be who she needed to be. He wanted to keep loving her, but was afraid if he did, he and the world would ultimately ruin her.

“I do know you, which is why I was saying we should probably switch partners on the force. Clear our heads. And then we’ll be fine.” It was a total lie, and what was left unsaid bubbled to the back of his throat like bile before it evaporated on his tongue. He swallowed it down with an audible gulp.

“Ugh,” she huffed, “I really don’t know why you just _give up_ so easily.” Judy shoved her dinner plate, letting it clang against the glass and cutlery to mirror the sharpness in her voice.

“Judy, I’m not...” bile rising. _Shit_. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

“Then what is it!?”

“You think I don’t know how much our relationship is hurting you? That...that being with me is only holding you back from what you could be? I see the looks the other officers give us. I know you were passed over for that last promotion. And I know the recent cases have only been harder to solve lately because we’re just clouded with...” he glanced at his hands and noticed his claws were carving into the table. A breath. “Clouded with the shit storm of our problems.”

“Nick, is this how you really think I feel? Or are you just projecting all of your concerns onto me? Please just give me an answer and tell me how _you_ feel.” She studied him for a long moment, deciding whether or not Nick still had any fight left in him. 

“So what now, Fluff? Are you lifting quotes from the precinct therapist?”

“Cheese and crackers, god _damn it_ , Nick!” She slammed her fists on the table, the aftershock creating ripples in his glass of blueberry wine. Normally, he would’ve teased her for the contradiction in her epithet. However he ditched that tactic when he realized a grey, eight pound ball of fury was about to come barreling toward him. “You can’t keep pushing me away like this. I’m really trying here, and you’re giving me nothing. What is going on in your head?”

The bile gave way. “We shouldn’t be together anymore. This thing is too much for us. I can’t let it get in the way of who you are...and...and I’ve been thinking that maybe the world is right. That a fox and a bunny can’t make it. That they can’t juggle work, family, and a relationship.”

Instantly, everything in Judy’s muzzle crumpled, as if her expression was held taut by invisible strings that had been snipped by a puppeteer. “O-Oh. You are giving up on us, then.”

“But don’t you agree? I mean, on some level, don’t you think that it’s... _easier_ on the both of us by not being together?” he glanced at Judy and saw that her face remained stock-still as before.

“I always thought that it didn’t matter, Nick. That everyone else didn’t matter as long as...a-as long as you were still believing in us. As long as you were still fighting this battle with me.” 

“I’m still right here. It’s...no, it’s not that, I - ah, fuck. You know I love you, right?” he spluttered, words careening out of his mouth in a mishmash of panic, “it’s that I hate what I’m doing to you. What you have to _give up_ for me? You and your parents are barely talking. The whole-”

“Yes, I get that, Nick. But that was my choice! Did you ever stop and think that maybe I thought that you and I were worth it? That I didn’t care about easy? You said before you didn’t want to break up, but I can’t keep fighting and trying to convince you that we’re worth it if you won’t keep trying with me.”

Growing more and more irritated by the table separating them, the distance leering and making a mockery of their flailing connection, Nick made his way over to her. Close. The moisture on his nose vaporized between their warmth. “Look, Judy...I love you. More than anything, but...”

She flinched at the ‘but’.

Nick wanted to shake her. Touch her. To tell her that it wasn’t her fault. That maybe it wasn’t even his fault. That this dip in their relationship was merely temporary. To continue lying about the state of reality. Because, _god_ , he didn’t know how much he could bear hurting her like this. That he loved her so much it pained him in places he didn’t even know existed.

“...I don’t think it’s worth it anymore.”

He wanted to claw at the air and snatch back the sentence that flew out. But it was too late, and he could see the bitterness had crept right into Judy’s face. For the first time, she’d looked at him without any trace of hope.

* * *

Seven years that line had haunted Nick. It etched its way into the back of his skull and made a permanent nest there, popping up every now and then (actually, frequently) to remind him of everything he hated about himself. Fox. Predator. Complete hopeless idiot.

Regardless of how much he tried, he could not shake those thoughts. How could he love her and simultaneously destroy her? He was a whirlpool of contradictions all at once, and the spinning never stilled.

He would atone for his pitfalls.

He would give back the jagged pieces of her hope that he took from her. 

She would believe in him again.

Ding. A text from Judy. _“Hey I’m leaving right now. I’ll be over there in thirty minutes.”_

The rain pelted against his apartment in the Rainforest District, rinsing out any last bouts of guilt. He tapped his claws across the screen of his phone, _“I’m glad. See you soon, Carrots. Watch out for the creepy jerks.”_

Translation: I’m an idiot. You are worth it. In any situation, in any alternate universe, I’d try my hardest to be with you if it gave us a fraction of the happiness we felt all those years ago.  
  


* * *

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Lily had shrieked earlier in the day, the three-and-a-half-year old pummeling into Judy’s legs and weaving through them. “Look, Mommy. Dwawing,” she’d pointed a finger to a page covered in haphazard lines and colors. A constellation of blotches. 

Smiling down at her, Judy responded, “It looks amazing, sweetheart. You’re the next Pigcasso.” She picked up the youngest kit and nuzzled her cheek, absorbing her giggles. She yearned for that feeling of toddler carelessness. Lily had yet to be marred by the harshness of life. She knew nothing of marriages, relationships, and dreams - broken, or otherwise. Judy wanted to preserve that innocence for her as long as she could.

“Is daddy still upstairs?” Judy asked.

“Mhmm. Upstaiws. In bedwoom,” Lily pursed her lips, still incapable of articulating her r’s, and concluding with a “w-”. She’d get it once she got older.

Judy set her down, letting Lily scamper off to her next coloring adventure. The whole day had been Liam and Judy circling each other, their interactions so far stretched endlessly in silence. She approached the stairs, not exactly sure what she was going to say, and eyed the ascent with trepidation. _Deep breaths, Judy._

Step. _Creak_. Step. _Creak_. Step. _Creak._

The rickety stairs had suffered years of animals scurrying across its steps, its sounds barely detectable to mammals lacking rabbit super-hearing, remaining unfixed due to inattention. Judy exhaled in bemusement. Just a few weeks ago, that squeaking had been the bane of her existence. Rattling off to herself that she’d break out the farm tools and fix them, evening the score once and for all. She’d settled into a life so mundane that a minor inconvenience had the power to irk her.

But her prospects now were even more daunting. The magnitude of it all snuffed out the creaky stairs. She was dangling perilously between two different lives. Maybe, if she could just -

“Hey,” Liam’s voice cut through her inner rumblings, and she noticed she had curled and coiled the end of her ear on a delicate finger. She released it.

“Hey,” she responded lamely. _Really? That’s all you could come up with?_

“Can we talk this time? And actually talk? I don’t want you to ice me out like this. I need to explain myself.” Though Liam was a hair ( _hare_ ) taller than Judy, the question of fortitude fell a little short on her. He approached her like she was a breakable object, and it was all the more frustrating to agree that, yes, she probably was.

She motioned to their - no, _the_ \- bedroom. “In there. I don’t want Lily hearing anything, just in case.”

Liam bobbed his head in tacit compliance. Still unsure whether the breakable object could be handled. Robotically, they shuffled into the room.

Judy’s gaze darted around the expanse, passing over the bed, and landing safely on a stool near the windowsill. _There,_ she thought, she would sit _there_. “Are Jacob and Jason at school?”

“Yes, they are. I dropped them off just an hour ago,” Liam said, ambling up to the bed to sit across from her.

Her mind flitted back to Jacob’s voicemail and the heartbreak that inundated it. “I got Jacob’s message. He was crying, Liam. Did you know that he was using your phone to call me?”

“N-No, I didn’t. I really didn’t. He asked to borrow it earlier, but I just assumed he was going to use it to play games or something. I really didn’t know, Judy.”

She studied the pull of his muzzle, his brown fur, and the creasing near his eyes. She’d long ago mastered the art of interrogating suspects, and realized that her husband wasn’t lying. But the tugging at her heart only worsened. “How...how is Jacob doing? Was he okay when you dropped him off at school?”

“You know how hard it is on him, on both the boys. They miss you.”

“I know, I know, Liam. I just don’t think that what we have is working. What we’ve got here...isn’t...working.” Judy raised a thumb to the black-tips of her ears, furling and unfurling her brows, inhaling at the familiarity of the sentence.

“Judy, I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. What I did was terrible, and completely unforgivable, and I am so sorry.”

“Please, just stop apologizing. You sound like a broken record. The more you say it, the less genuine it sounds,” Judy sighed and willed herself not to play with the ends of her ears again.

“I-I know. But apologizing is all I can do. And, I ended things with her. Everything. I understand that you’re mad, that you hate me, that you’re heartbroken - just don’t ice me out. Don’t cut me out. We have to get through this somehow. The kids...what’ll...and your parents...” His nose twitched.

“You think I haven’t thought about that? That I’ve just been sitting around in my old apartment laughing and shining my badge and pretending that everything’s just peas and carrots?” She spoke in accusations, and she hadn’t meant to.

“No. I’m just saying that if we can learn to deal with this...with me _cheating_ ,” Liam brought himself to finally use the word, “then everything will be better in the long run. The kits will be better in the long run with a family that stays together, and a family that forgives and learns to be happy.”

“But we’re not happy. We _haven’t_ been happy for a long time, Liam. Neither of us. I think you know that, right? It didn’t just take what you did to end things.”

“Sure, this past year has been hard. But what are we going to do? Are we going to divorce? Judy, I love you,” he added, the end portion seeming almost like an afterthought.

“I love you too, Liam.” It was true, in part. The love she had with Liam was easy and unruffled. They could openly hold paws in the street, get married, have kits - animals would look at them without a second thought. Their relationship wouldn’t be a political statement, or an ill-fated foray. They could exist easily.

“Then what’s holding you back?”

Because even though loving Liam was easy, what she had with Nick was...electrifying. The love she had with Nick was far from simple, but it ran a current through her, made her fur stand on end, and made her feel alive again. It understood her and hugged her in its warmth and made her feel accepted, even if the world didn’t. It didn’t look at her like some fragile thing. It took Judy Hopps in her entirety and wrapped her with red, cream, green and - _shit._ God, her kits were going to hate her, weren’t they? Would they understand? Was one night worth it to change the course of their whole lives? If Liam was still _trying,_ then she’d be the one giving up on the marriage...and so, yes, her kits would definitely hate her- 

“Judy? Judy...you’re crying,” Liam said, remaining stationary.

Confused by a dark splotch on her yoga pants, it took her all but a second to realize that she was the one that made it. Tears. “I...I guess I am,” she choked, swiftly moving a hand to wipe her cheek. “I do love you Liam...” _but you’re still in love with Nick, you dumb bunny! You’re in love with Nick!_ “...but, argh, I just don’t know anything anymore.”

Liam looked pained. “Judy, we...I’m sor-” he ceased himself before saying the cursed word again -“You really don’t want to be in this marriage anymore?”

“N-No,” she whispered. Judy surprised herself by how weak and removed it came off. That was not the driven voice of a woman reclaimed. She blinked and raised her muzzle. “No,” she repeated, a little stronger this time, making sure to shoot her ears upward for effect.

“What about our kits? How are we going to explain...to them? Don’t you think we can be happy again?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know how to explain it to them. They’ll hate me for doing this, but I don’t know if I _can_ make you happy. Us happy. My job is too much for you to handle, and I get that. You don’t deserve to be neglected, and I don’t deserve to be with someone who cheated. Don’t you think we both deserve that? Can mammals really be happy by settling?”

_“We gave up on our dreams, and we settled.”_

_“See? That’s the beauty of complacency, Judy. If you don’t try anything new, you’ll never fail.”_

“But, wait, Judy. I can learn to handle that. I mean, other than the job, and other than me messing up, which I’ll make up for every single day - other than those things, was our marriage that bad? Was it really falling apart?”

Judy flicked back over to look at Liam. “I...I mean if you put it that way, then...no...” her forehead knitted in on itself and dragged all her features along with it.

“I found an old book,” he blurted.

“What?”

“Wh-When Jacob was born, I got this book, and then I found it in storage the other day and-” he shifted across the bed and tugged a thick booklet out of the nightstand - “this. Here.” He handed the book over to Judy.

Briefly running a paw over its cover, she studied the title emblazoned in bright letters: _Bunny Warren, A Social Guide_. “I don’t understand...is this for our children?”

“It talks about how rabbit kits are social animals...for crying out loud, I thought it was obvious too, but this book...I mean, the author wrote in detail about how important it is to have a tight-knit family, a _community,_ for kits. Bunnies are predisposed to nuzzle and cuddle and all that. And these stages that our kits are in right now are vital in rearing them for the future.”

“Is this supposed to be emotional blackmail?”

“No, it isn’t. Do you really think I’d stoop that low? You know who I am, and you know me. I would never throw something like this in your muzzle. But, they’re worth fighting for. I can be happy and content, but only if you want to be too...”

She thumbed through the dog-eared pages, examined the yellowed paper, and saw how the spine was permanently creased from studying. Immediately, Judy flashed to nights of Liam tenderly washing the backs of Jason’s ears because he knew how sensitive they were, patching Jacob’s tattered clothes, spinning Lily on his back until they were both dizzy from laughter and love, tucking all of them in with a muzzle full of outlandish fairytales. It was all there. Liam may have lost his way as a husband, but she could never berate him for being a wayward father. 

_I would never regret marrying you. If it gave us our kits, the most important mammals in my life, I’d marry you again if it meant giving us those kits._

Reality was knocking at the door, and she went to open it. It followed her like an unfriendly ghost, and Judy was prepared to welcome it in again.

“Liam, I have to go.”

* * *

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Judy’s nimble paws made a muffled rapping sound at the door, and if Nick’s heart hadn’t been anticipating her arrival for the last thirty minutes, he would’ve missed it under the noisy, wet assault of rain.

But when he opened the door, he knew.

Her eyes were blank and had gone glassy. He could tell by the line in between her eyebrows that she was still clinging to the the tail-end of a thought, but it was quickly slipping out of her brain, her ears, and soon out of reach. Her shoulders drooped low, magnetized to the ground. And...the shaking. It was all over her. The muscles around her mouth, her hunched shoulders, her ears, her fingers. They were the tiniest vibrations, but it was as if she were going to tremble into fragments.

He knew.

“Nick, I’m really sorry about this, but-”

“It’s okay. I...I think I already know.” He did, but he hoped that if he could still her for just a moment, to stop her from finishing her sentence, it would make the reality a little less difficult to face. It was a useless feat, but as long as it wasn’t cemented by Judy’s words, he could fill in the gaps with his imagination, and he could make his imagination a lot more forgiving.

Judy’s nose twitched. _Yeah, Carrots. I’m kinda terrified right now too._ “Can I come in? Please?” she asked meekly, as if it was even a valid question. As if Nick wouldn’t beckon her in with everything he had.

“Of course. Please.” He moved outside, into the rain, and propped the door open for her with a weak paw.

“Thank you,” she replied, letting him click the door shut behind her. He watched her as she meandered into his kitchen, resting a hand on the countertop. She swiveled around to meet his gaze, “Thank you, really. _Thank you,_ Nick.” she said once more. This time it was coated with hoarseness.

His muzzle lolled to the side, slightly confused. “Why?”

“For not looking at me like I’m about to break.”

 _That’s because you’re the invincible Judy Hopps. You’re a force of nature and nothing could ever break you. Even when you’re emotional and trembling on my doorstep, you’re still the same bunny that believed in me._ “Erm, that’s be - you’re welcome, Judy,” he choked. He had been ready to unleash everything that was left unsaid, but reconsidered it. He’d allow himself to be crushed by the weight of his words another night, but right now he would not drag Judy along with him. He didn’t want to selfishly convince her that he needed her.

“Look, I know you’ll probably never forgive me for this,” she bit her lip, “and I know what I’m about to say is going-”

Nick stopped her again, this time drudging closer to her. “You...you really don’t need to tell me, Carrots. I can already guess.”

“You can?” Judy bit her lip for the second time, and he could hear her swallow - hard - as if slugging back the painful veracity of what she knew he was about to say.

He had to be the one to say it. “You’re going to stay with Liam, and take care of your kits, right?”

A nod.

“I get it, and please...don’t apologize. I _really_ get it. It’s better that way, and I know, ultimately, that it’ll be better for your kits. The last thing I’d want is for them to resent me - hate me - for being the mammal that took you away from their dad.”

Her head sank lower, but she managed to maintain eye contact.

“Judy, you’ll be amazing. You’re fighting hard for something to make it work. You _will_ make it work. That’s the bunny I know. And..h-hey, you know what? I’ll be fine, you know. Like you said, the vixens are lining themselves up in the streets for me. I’m Nick Wilde, remember? Takes a lot to get to me.” His voice quavered, and he knew at this point his act was more about convincing himself than her.

A sigh from her end. An inhale on his. “And, we’ll still be friends, right? At the end of all this...we’ll still have our friendship.”

A cough worked its way out of Judy’s mouth as she cleared her throat and responded, “Above all else.” She inched up to him, and this time, he really thought she was going to fall apart. Her fists clenched and unclenched, subduing any weakness that may have emerged from the cracks in her armor. _Invincible._ And then - “I love you, Nick.”

“I love you too, Fluff.”

It was silly and inexplicable. There was nothing that happened between them that they could encapsulate into one phrase. One trivial word. But tonight, everything they knew, everything they experienced, every thought they’d failed to articulate boiled down to just that. Hardened and concentrated into a granule of a two-line dialogue.

Maybe, this could be enough for them.

And then, Nick felt something light graze his wrist. It was hardly distinguishable. Like a shift in the weather. He thought it was a feathery gust of wind, or the fur on his own arm brushing back and tickling his wrist. But it was Judy. Judy’s soft paw was lithely clutching the tops of his hands.

Somehow, that did him in. The primal, selfish part of his brain told him to kiss her, to yell fuck all, and just do it. He would cling to this as a better memory than before. Of him trying. Not of him seven years ago, walking out and giving up. He surmised it would all end in the same place they had started, just like old times, but this time he had the chance to end it trying.

Somewhere between his whirring emotions and Judy’s gentle nudge, snout met muzzle and he kissed her. Deep and languid, drawing out every last remnant of strength he had in him to pour into her, to fill the fissures of her façade. Without any hesitation, she mewled into his mouth, hands grasping at the sides of his muzzle for purchase. She tried to hold onto anything to keep them balanced on the tightrope they were walking. There were no words. Just longing. Nick trailed his paws to the backs of her thighs, deftly tugging on them, allowing her to hop up and cage her legs around his waist.

Stumbling in the direction he hoped was toward the bedroom, he remained dizzied with current after current of heady desire shooting throughout his entire body. He’d completely forgotten this sensation. To be so in love with someone, so _needed_ , that it made your body heave with explosions, to let it fully melt into the control of someone else. Desperately, Judy began clawing at the collar of his t-shirt, one that he briskly discarded, clumsily maneuvering his muzzle out of the opening, and letting her grip the bottom hems to finally yank it off.

He lingered on the doorframe for a moment, his back against the jamb. “Judy, is this all right?”

“Nick, it’s...” she stilled herself, and Nick noticed what was left of her purple orbs were nothing but a thread of amethyst bordering an abyss of black. “Y-Yes. Nick, I need this.”

The power of her declaration coerced his lips back to hers. Judy ground herself into him, this time increasing her pressure just fractionally. Knees buckling as he backed into the bed, he slowly turned her around, and placed her firmly on the mattress. _Invincible. You’re invincible_ , he kept thinking. He would not look at her like she was a breakable thing. He prayed that his kisses would rectify the hope she’d lost, and that it would heal him in the process as well. Languorously, Nick pulled back her sweater, dampened from the rain, committing to memory what he knew would leave him soon. 

Judy reached for her yoga pants, and Nick’s paw shadowed hers, fingering through the waistband. Right now, with the warmth of his body enveloping her, they felt too constricting. Too unnecessary. He peeled them off of her, one leg at a time. The fur on her thighs billowed back from its absence, mimicking the motion of a wheat field fluttering under a warm breeze. He froze as her movements refocused their attention to the fly of his khakis, and, with bated breath, watched as Judy effortlessly finessed his pants down to his knees, falling to the floor with a thud by a nudge from her feet. 

The atmosphere settled. They lay there, soaking in the moonlight streaming through the windows, all awash in rumpled fur and vulnerability.

A beat. Another shift. -----

Judy wormed her paw under the coil of Nick’s boxers, gently, at first, but gained fortitude when she heard him humming in approval. He slid a careful claw down beneath the lace of her underwear, causing her breath to hitch and - oh god, did she just _whimper_? Closing the space between them, she climbed onto his chest and caught his lips in her own. _I’m sorry, I hate what I’m doing to you, and I’m so so sorry_ , she thought. But the way he held her, the way he looked at her, the way he _got_ her. Miracles were in his paws, and the more he gripped her, the more she could do what she needed to. His touches burnished the rough surface of her life, placating her, and gifting her the encouragement she needed to return to it. He held her delicately, but the gruffness at the back of his throat, the teeth brushing her neck, didn’t treat her as such. _Invincible._  

She rocked herself back, feeling him, conscious of the heat pooling at the very pit of her, and very much aware of the thin pieces of fabric walling themselves between her and Nick.

Without pause, she drew back his black boxers and flicked them to the ground, adding her own underwear to the pile not shortly thereafter. With a deep breath, she ran a paw from her muzzle, trailing down the cream of her underbelly, down into -

“Carrots,” he rasped, stopping her wrist before her hand could travel any further. “Please, let me.”

Synapses fired off in her brain, shouting _Yes yes yes_ and _please Nick, yes,_ but they bubbled and fizzed on her tongue and her answer surfaced in a form of breathy desperation. Nick coaxed one finger into her. Then, two. She gasped, jaw falling slack, and was suspended mid-air as she curved her body forward, letting his palm cup her as she descended. Judy was quickly losing control of her reflexes, and the primitive, carnal part of her was rippling out from her center, emerging in waves and choked moans. His fingers curled inside of her, softly beckoning her forward, coercing another hazy groan from her maw. Rotating, Nick ghosted his thumb over her hot bundle of nerves, barely pressing on it.

“Nick, _cheese and crackers,_ I-I’m gonna...Stop.” Nearly giving in to baser instincts and screaming _mate me, mate me right now_ , she concluded that at this moment, she and Nick deserved more than just horny drivel against mildewed wallpaper. “I need to really feel you.”

He pushed himself up so that they were level with one another. Engulfed in his fur, she could feel his thundering heartbeat, not as fast as hers, but the chaotic syncopation of it still lulled her into a sense of calm. She reached up and cupped a paw to his cheek. Judy ran her fingers over the planes of his face, and savored every detail, every outline, snatching up his features before they blew away with time. _I won’t cry_ , she vowed. _I’ll be strong and everything will be okay._

Green eyes met bright amethyst.

“Judy?”

“Yes?”

“After all of this happens, after we’re done, do you mind just...not saying goodbye?” he asked, mumbling out the words in hollowed out rasps.

She blinked. “You want...You mean, me just slipping out quietly?”

He bobbed his head, barely a shiver.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

She knew it wasn’t what either of them wanted, but they couldn’t toy with fate any longer. They never had the upper hand. The fate, the reality, the truth, the destiny of it all - whatever - was a lot easier to cope with when it was inevitable. When you could predict future losses, you were more prepared to handle the shell shock.

They shifted -----

Nick felt Judy burying her muzzle in the burrows of his chest, moaning, as she steadily lowered herself onto him, letting the warmth in her core hug him in a vice grip. It sent a lightning rod of feverish pleasure through them all at once. Slow and sensual, with every bob and motion, he sucked it in like oxygen. This bunny held his life inside of her, and he drew it from the very source. Breathing. Gasping. He was teetering off into oblivion, utterly intoxicated by her touch, eyelids quivering shut, _fuck,_ he might be worse off if she left again, but he didn’t care how fucked up it made him, it’d still be worth it, _she’d_ still be worth it, and _oh god-_  

“I...ah-I...” he murmured, eyes squeezing tighter.

“I’m right here, Nick. I’m right here,” she grasped his face, blowing cool air over his muzzle, soothing him, breathing back the energy they exchanged.

The act brought him back from the brink of explosion. He hovered his paw over where they connected, gliding back and forth on the slick button that made her jaw unhinge, eliciting a shudder, watching in awe as she pulled away from his shoulder, muzzle scrunched. He’d give it back to her. Fix this. Give her peace. Clear her mind until it drew a blank, wiping away the bulk of the world until she was a quaking mass, loose and unencumbered.

“Oh...” Her head bobbed back to him, finding shelter in the crook of his neck. She bit down on him, and another, “O-Ohhh.” He sharpened the pace of his fingers, and felt her panting grow more ragged, her limbs flailing and seizing at his fur as she fell into her undoing. “Um, I’m...” but the sentence ended as soon as it started, and she was drowned in a tidal of ecstasy, body wracking with wave after wave of shakes and tremors.

His groans came out staggered and laced with need. He felt her gently stroke his face, breezing her hot breath into his ear, urging him to join her. Jerking him forward, encouraging him. So, he gave in and came crashing down. He teetered right into it this time, into the abyss, and was sure he’d never return as every part of his being exploded in euphoria.

They lay bound together for quite some time. And, eventually, the room stopped spinning and their worlds came to a standstill. Knowing her presence was fleeting at best, Nick echoed the same question she had asked him the night before: “Can you lie with me for a little bit? Before you...” he winced, he couldn’t bring himself to finish.

Feeding lines from their script and tinged with all the same misery, Judy parroted, “Of course. Anything.”

* * *

Hours had passed, and Judy fought off the onslaught of exhaustion she knew would soon claim her, stretching her eyelids in defiance. She needed to leave. Lifting an arm, she made sure Nick was fully asleep before untangling herself from him. 

For just a few minutes, she allowed herself to roam around his apartment. His kitchen. His living room. Touching everything that was his, saturating herself in him and pled that the feeling of brokenness was merely transient. 

 _Stop it,_ she admonished. _Stop._ She needed to be reminded that this no choice but her own. That she had no right to be sad. So that when she left, she could take with her the things that made her stronger. She would store Nick into a compartment far away from the wreckage, and remember the way he had looked at her. It was more than she ever deserved, and for that, she could settle.

* * *

For years, Nick would replay everything that night. Projecting the memories onto the back of his eyelids, letting it seep out of reality and into his dreams.

_“I love you, Nick.”_

He snatched back the sentence. Rewound it.

_“-love you-”_

Rewind.

 _“-love-_ ”

An opening. Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, don't hate me for the ending. I already hate myself for it enough as it is. BUUUUT all right. Also, I'm planning on writing more Zootopia fanfics, and hopefully a lot happier, esp after this one.


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! First of all, I'd like to thank everybody who gave their comments and feedback on the penultimate chapter of this story, because I appreciate all of your advice and am really flattered how many of you are emotionally invested in this story like me. 
> 
> I, too, wanted to give WildeHopps the closure they needed. And for people who liked the way it ended before, you don't have to continue reading. HOWEVER, if you wanted a real, good ending for the two of these guys and get some closure (which I want too), then please read ahead, and I hope you'll be pleasantly surprised by this (epilogue will NOT be sad).

“So, the bunny fuzz, huh?” Finnick took a swig of his beer, eyes steeled on the television screen. 

“Yep. The one and only,” Nick replied, his intonation dripping with discomfort. Over the course of their lives, as best friends and con partners, Nick and Finnick had perfected their language in order to understand each other. Being able to communicate in rough grunts and paw motions arose as a matter of safety whenever they sensed hustles were headed south. However, the knowing looks and hand signals had crept into their daily lives, becoming habit, and they were now able to interact with each other in tacit awareness.

Finnick nodded, sensing the unease, and kept his mouth pursed around the lip of his bottle. “I was figurin’ why you ditched out on me for a little there,” he paused, mulling over something in his head, then shrugged back another gulp, “we were watching Stranger Lynx and everything. 

“Hah, aww Finnick. You know you’re allowed to watch episodes without me, right?”

“Shut up, you _wish_. But that shit is scary, Nick.” It was laughably ironic, really. Finnick was all eight-inch husk and could beat any mammal twice his size, but a sci-fi show was enough to make him finicky.

“And you still wonder why you had to play the child in our pawpsicle hustles.”

“Hey! We were four episodes in on it, man. And then you had to go and have your affair before I even get to find out if Nancy Mewler ever killed that monster,” he laughed, “I mean, how could you do that to me?”

It was a rare thing for Finnick to cast jokes at his own expense, so Nick appreciated the self-deprecating humor. “Well. We can always finish the rest on my next day off.”

“Yeah, or we could go out to that new bar near my apartment and actually do something that’s not so depressing. Seriously, how many beer cans do you have lying around your apartment?" 

“Heh. None of your business. How many illegal business deals are you _still_ partaking in?”

“Touché.”

Nick couldn’t help but to think what Judy would’ve thought of the show. If she’d thump her foot at every jump scare, or if her nose would twitch in curiosity at all of the conspiracy theories, the plot points. They hadn’t had any interaction since their night together, but it still stunned him how he recalled everything with blinding luminosity. He’d learn to duck, sort of, whenever he’d feel a memory come blazing toward him, but it still left him in the crossfire.

He hadn’t realized that his thoughts had drifted into his expression until he was walking Finnick out the door. “You okay, man? Your mug has been stewin’ in on itself since we finished our beers.” 

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, just thinking, is all. Got a kidnapping case to figure out tomorrow. No leads.”

“Ahh,” Finnick replied, “Don’t think too hard about it, then. Problems seem a lot more complicated when you’re too up close to ‘em. Just back up or somethin’”

The wiseness was surprisingly out of character for him, but it was Finnick’s way of saying he knew. He wouldn’t say it, but he understood. Nick willed to believe that in time, things could be simpler.

“Thanks, big guy.” 

* * *

It wasn’t until several weeks later, on a hazy Saturday morning, that he would see her again. Barely lucid, he half-believed his mind in its sleep-induced blur had conjured her form right onto the stoop; wide-eyed and ruffled, standing at his doorstep with the smell of dew clinging to her fur.

 He kept staring at her until the realness settled in.

 “Nick,” she spoke.

Hearing her sent a shockwave through his system, and the surge was enough to stir whatever lay dormant in his soul. A moth beating against a windowpane. What was she here for? And how could he even form words to describe everything he felt? But it was such a welcome surprise that any bitterness he could’ve held onto died in her presence and the prospects that prompted it. Her eyes carried a sense of urgency, and judging by the way she began to fidget, it was quickly traveling everywhere else.

“So, I’ve been thinking...about everything. These past few weeks, Nick, I’ve been so stupid. I left Liam, I-I’m done. He’s out of the house, and he’s with his parents now. He’s a good father, a good mammal to my kits, and I can’t hold it against him for that, but he wasn’t a good husband. And not like I was, but, wait- ugh, sweet cheese and crackers-” a crumpled sheet of paper emerged from her pocket, and Judy fervently ran her eyes across the jumbled words dashed along its surface- “I tried writing everything down, you see,” she restarted, “because I don’t want to lose track of everything I need to say to you.”

He eyed the penciled bullet points. “You...you made a list?”

“Point by point. And-and first thing is, is that I’m sorry. Completely, terribly, undeniably sorry. I know we tried to accept that we couldn’t be what we needed for each other, and even tried to keep our last encounter as some - I don’t know - _symbol_ of the disaster that is our lives. But the thing is, I can’t think of something more tragic than putting our faith in something that won’t work out in the long run.”

His head drooped to the ground. _Oh._ He did not know if his facade could keep, didn’t know if he could bear having this conversation again. It took everything in him not to shy away from the door and slink back to his bedroom.

Judy shot her arms out, trying to tamp down the flare of sadness. “Wait! No, Nick! It’s not what you think!” Nick had stayed placid, not even making a move to close the door, but in a frenzied panic, Judy made a reach for it, and propped a paw against the jamb anyway. “You see, my marriage with Liam was doomed in the long run. That’s what I mean. _That’s_ why I left. I was just drifting, thinking I was content and satisfied. When in fact, I just _settled_. And I thought that because he gave me my kits, who I love and care for, that marrying him from the beginning was the right choice. It confused me, because of course I love them, and I don’t regret having them ever. But I should never have married him.

I want to be with them all the time. Raise them, and be a great mom. But later on, when they get older, they’re going to know that I just settled, and that I’m drifting along, not being happy. When I met him, it was the complete opposite of what you and I had. The relationship I had with him, at least at the beginning - it was open, public, easy... _everything_ was easy. It was so different that I threw myself into it, not knowing that it was all because I never really stopped loving you, Nick. Not realizing that, not knowing it sooner, _that_ was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And I shouldn’t have walked away all those weeks ago like that. I hurt you, again. It was horrible.”

His heart fluttered. Re-averting his gaze to level with hers, he assessed his odds and gambled, probably throwing the dice in more haste than finesse. “Are you saying...that you...?” he flitted a forefinger back and forth between them, “There’s an opening for us? We can...?”

“I know it’s taken me way too long to do this, and I’ve never been more of a dumb bunny for it, but yes. I want to be with you. I love you. I should have stayed. I want you to meet my kits, and have you tease my parents for their ignorance in that ambivalent way of yours. You changed, and you were willing to try, and you were being open. And...I know you totally don’t deserve what I did. I’m not here to jerk you around, and I absolutely understand if you’re moving on, or if you need time, or if you’ve already found somebody else that didn’t make you so miserable like I did, or so...god, I’m so so sorry, Nick.” She lingered for a moment, and then shifted. “Nick, I’m trying. _You_ are worth trying for. And I’m going to keep trying until you give me a chance because ultimately nothing will ever hold me back from you.”

He stood there, slack-jawed and overtaken by disbelief. Had the universe finally decided to throw the dog a fucking bone already? Nick soaked up her sentences, line by line. She was saying everything he wanted to hear - _needed_ to hear. It was all there. For once, there was no cautionary tale looming over his head. Her words were unrestrained, _real_. Smooth like a pebble, it hurled through his brain and sent ripples along the fragile surface, crashing out in huge waves and drowning out the history that haunted his thoughts. Completely her.

Nick realized he had been continuing to stare at her for a long stretch of time. He was still speechless.

“Judy,” he finally whispered. “Get in here.”

* * *

In time, Judy will introduce Nick to her kits. And, nervous and aiming to please, he will come equipped with homemade pawpsicles and brave stories of how he and Judy kicked tail as police partners, vanquishing all the evil villains in Zootopia. All three of them, Jacob, Jason and Lily, will eat up both his pawpsicles and his tales without a second thought, swarming him, and laughing like they had an inside joke the world would not understand.

Liam will get joint custody of the kits, and divert his gaze in Nick’s presence every time they cross paths. Much to Judy’s dismay, it will be a long time before the two can be amicable, before Nick can remove the condescension in his tone, before Liam would not cower in shame every time he speaks. Liam will think of Judy often, seeing her in the way their only daughter tucks her ears behind her shoulder, or in the crinkle of his eldest son’s brow when he concentrates too hard. He will see her, reminding him of what he lost, and how he will do his best to continue being a good father. 

Nick and Judy will eventually force their parents to come around. You guys are back together? You’re getting a divorce? How are the grandkits taking it? Are you and Judy going to get married? All questions that will be answered with well-practiced responses and affable nods. But when they do come around, it will not take long for Bonnie and Stu to discover the error of their ways; once they see their daughter’s ears perk up again, eyes lit with determination, to realize, yes indeed, the years of her trying to _settle_ had extinguished the flame in her like a candle, and somehow with Nick, she just _worked_. Once more, Nick’s mother will see Judy with her only son, and immediately regret the discouragement she spewed at them the first time they were together. Mrs. Wilde will never tell her son that she is still crippled from that night, after his Junior Ranger Scouts initiation, when he came home with tattered clothes and a crushed spirit, that hers had crushed too. That she carried this anxiety into everything he did, including his controversial relationship with Judy. She will not tell him this, so instead, she envelops Nick and Judy in a tight embrace, and supports them the way she should have from the beginning.

And for years, and the rest of his life, Nick holds onto the _“-love-”_ Judy gave him, and realizes it is enough.

* * *

But for now, on a hazy Saturday morning, old is made new and Nick beckons her in, arms outstretched, and Judy stumbles right into them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on my tumblr if you want! @ lepouletfou

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to comment! Let me know what you all think, whether it be compliments (hah), suggestions or critiques! Any type of feedback, really. I'm completely open to them. This is my first fanfic, but hopefully I have many more to come. Thank you for reading!


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